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“If honorable actions are the cobblestones, mistakes are the mortar.”

We judge others way too much. All too often this judgment is based on someone’s behavior. I think this is because someone’s behavior is the most observable characteristic. Batman once said, “It’s not who you are underneath, it’s what you do that defines you.” The problem with this is, how many of us have behaviors that really don’t match who we believe we are?

Actions are only one part of who we are and don’t even necessarily reflect the underlying intent. For example, how many of us have hurt somebody without intending to? A person is so much more than just their actions. I’ve written before about learning who we are, but how do we fit the inconsistencies of our life, big and small, into who we are? I think that self-acceptance is a huge part and so is recognizing that we are human. There’s no sense in fighting it, we are going to make mistakes. Some will be quieter than others, and some will be a whole lot more obvious.

One metaphor that has helped me is to think of my life as a cobblestone pathway. Those actions that I have taken that are honorable, that fit how I see myself at that particular time in my life, are the cobblestones. They vary in color, shape, and size, just as my philosophies and those actions which are based on them have evolved over time. But so many times it is the mistakes or inconsistencies of my life that have led to this evolution, just as the mortar gives context and transition from one stone to another.

I can’t say that I am particularly proud of any single stone or any space filled by mortar (and some things I am still mortified about), but I can look at the overall pathway and appreciate its variety and work that went into its creation. I believe it is a life-long process to fully appreciate and accept the complete paths we’ve created. In part this is because we are always forging new parts, but also some things are just a challenge to accept.

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