I rarely raise my voice. Usually, if I do, it is when I am driving alone in my car (okay, with others too) and someone cuts me off in traffic.

You can probably guess where I am going with this. I raised my voice this week. Only for a minute…but it happened. I felt so helpless and trapped and believed that my only resort was to raise my voice and hurl out words that I knew would be hurtful. I had a really hard time after I did it and broke down for a minute. I was hurting because I knew that I had hurt someone as a result of my helpless/scared/trapped feelings.

Whew…that was a hard one to admit. I have spent the last few days thinking about that moment…wondering what it was that made me react the way that I did.

I think that I have figured it out. I was not in a place where I could hear what the other person was saying to me. This happened after a very long day at school and work. I was mentally and physically exhausted. I also had the expectation that I was at the point in my day where I could let my guard down and think about absolutely nothing.

Having let me guard down, I was not in a place to have a difficult (potentially deep) conversation. Instead of engaging and talking…I became defensive and scared. I really think that it was the fear talking when I raised my voice and walked out of the room.

We all do this in some way or another. We become so paralyzed by fear that we say or do something that could potentially be damaging.

I think what is important is that we own up to it….whether it be immediately after or a little down the road. So many of the people who I know and who I work with struggle with this. It is difficult to admit that we were in the wrong. But think about this for a minute…how much does it mean when someone does it for you?

Our relationships are so precious. The people who we are in relationship with are the people who support us on a daily basis and through the big stuff…like a busy semester in grad school or the pursuit of a life passion.