So there I was…sitting in the stern, steering with all my might and concentration, trying to j-stroke and pry my way through all the jagged rocks of the river. The coolest part: this is my job. I get paid to play outside. More specifically, I got paid to co-lead a whitewater canoe trip for one of my family camps.
Now, normally when I’m steering a canoe, I have one of my participants up in the bow of the boat (a.k.a. the front) and we naturally form a relationship of communication that involves me giving out paddling orders while they follow along and help give power to the boat.
This past week, I was oh so very blessed…I got to have my very own dad come along with me on my whitewater canoeing family camp as our volunteer geologist. Naturally, we shared a canoe the whole trip. Un-naturally, I started off in the stern of the boat (a.k.a the back). Like I said before, being in the stern of the boat makes you (for the most part) the one who steers; basically, you are in the driver’s seat.
Normally, this is not odd at all. But let me tell you something…giving out paddling orders to your dad feels pretty darn weird! It’s not natural. “Paddle paddle paddle!…right right right!…back back!…ok stop!” It’s like telling your dad when to do his laundry, how to make his bed, or even how to brush his teeth. “Circle motions! Circle circle cricle! Get the gums! Left side! Right side! Now swish!”
It’s weird. I’m not used to telling my dad what to do. That’s just not in the natural hierarchy of our relationship as dad and daughter. I ended up telling my dad how weird this was for me later and he, of course, was very gracious and affirmed that I was just fulfilling my role as the stern.
This experience made me think of that hierarchy we are all born into. Typically, there are those people older than you that give you the guidelines, tell you what to do, give out the orders. Often, these people are our parents or caretakers.
Imagine a bar graph. The x-axis has two bars: one for you and one for your parent. The bar for your parent shoots straight up the y-axis to a high number; let’s say 100. (The y-axis represents amount of authority). And then there is your bar. It starts off somewhere down by the 5 mark. I have noticed a lot of times that as you age, your bar starts creeping up the y-axis toward the 100. At some point as you get older (for many) your bar reaches right up close to that 100 mark, right near your parent’s bar, meaning that the authority in your relationship almost starts to level out a bit (although, maybe not completely).
Being in my mid-20s, I have started to feel myself getting a little closer to that 100 mark. While I have total respect for my dad as my parent and my authority figure, I feel myself graduating toward a more leveled-out relationship with my dad. I know this circumstance may not ring true for every person, but I find it to be an interesting phenomenon. It’s like I get to experience my dad in a whole new way…we get to talk about new things and in a new way…I feel so much more autonomy and independence than before.
No matter how close I get to that 100 mark, I know that I will still always want to depend on my dad for guidance and for comfort. Even if I haven’t seen him in a long time, he still is that voice in my head encouraging, supporting, and guiding me. I am very grateful for that.
So I guess there might be times in life where it will be appropriate and even important to assert myself (steer the canoe, if you will). And sometimes that might be with an authority figure. What I learned is that it is not about controlling whether or not this situation comes up, but instead learning how to navigate my way through it. Be willing to stop and talk about the situation. Be honest. Be brave. Be respectful. Be kind. Be understanding. Be humble and willing to take feedback and suggestions.
Relationship dynamics have a way of shifting and bringing about new challenges. But as that voice in my head always reminds me, it’s what you do with it. Right Dad?
Share your thoughts
No Thoughts About Paddle! Paddle! Paddle!