Some people picture therapy as largely consisting of talking and then being asked, \u201cHow do you feel about that?\u201d Before becoming a therapist, I used to laugh along with those people and think it was a myth. Surely, there was a lot more to therapy.<\/p>\n
Turns out, I would be asking that question, not just once, but many times. It initially took my surprise. As time passed, however, it became a natural part of therapy.<\/p>\n
The tricky part is, sometimes this question can immediately have a person shut down.\u00a0 They would rather hear what I have to say, or are used to associating sharing of feelings with rejection or hurt, or would rather not discuss feelings at all.<\/p>\n
When this occurs, I have to respect the right of my client to not want to share.<\/p>\n
After all, I have faced my own struggle with answering this question. I\u2019ve had people take my answer only to tell me, \u201cYou shouldn\u2019t feel like that,\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re too sensitive,\u201d or attempt to come up with a solution before giving any form of empathy (It can be as easy as saying, \u201cthat sucks\u201d).<\/p>\n
These responses are extremely disheartening and the quickest way to invalidate someone, someone who was courageous enough to be vulnerable with you. \u00a0It taught me to be guarded, to internalize my feelings, and filter what I shared. I became afraid.<\/p>\n
It wasn\u2019t until I was more firm in my boundaries (e.g. standing up for my right to have my\u00a0<\/span>feelings) and gained insight into my style of processing emotions that my fear lifted. \u00a0I started to believe less in the negative messages I was receiving and really reflected on the context of the situation. \u00a0I had to sort through people who were more comfortable around the expression of emotion, and those that avoided or belittled it. I slowly started to build trust with those who did not tell\u00a0me what to do or how to feel.<\/p>\n I learned to frame the \u201csensitive\u201d parts of me as strength because it was a way to empathize and connect with people. But I also recognized that at times it posed challenges, because I was more prone to feeling hyper-aware and thus, hurt. Either way, it’s become an aspect that I have come to respect rather than regard as a weakness.\u00a0On occasion, I revert back to my old fears of being shut down.<\/p>\n Now, I recognize this as an indicator that past experiences can carry a lot of power through the present. This further affirms the importance of being gentle and not prying out information from someone who is not ready.<\/p>\n This is what I want you to know<\/strong>— as clich\u00e9 as the question may seem, the bottom line is that I truly want to hear your opinions and observations about your life. They are most likely infinitely more true and meaningful than any comment I have.\u00a0 And I know from experience how important it can be to have someone respect your right to feel whatever it is you feel.<\/p>\n As you sort through your emotions with guidance, it may be the first time someone genuinely wants for you what you want, and not what they think you should want. \u00a0My hope is that as a therapist, I can be part of changing the negative experience and attitude towards emotional expression, as well as the acceptance that it comes in many forms.<\/p>\n Talking is not the only way to share; appreciating and valuing different perspectives and styles is what is most important. (but that’s for another post!)<\/p>\n What are ways that you express your emotions?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Some people picture therapy as largely consisting of talking and then being asked, \u201cHow do you feel about that?\u201d Before becoming a therapist, I used to laugh along with those people and think it was a myth. Surely, there was a lot more to therapy. Turns out, I would be asking that question, not just once, but many times. It Read more…<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12,"featured_media":715,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[54,40],"tags":[28,80,79,32],"coauthors":[18],"class_list":["post-707","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-acceptance-2","category-emotions-2","tag-emotions","tag-feelings","tag-perspective","tag-therapy"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/collectiveinquiry.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/05\/therapy-chair.jpg","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/collectiveinquiry.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/707","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/collectiveinquiry.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/collectiveinquiry.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/collectiveinquiry.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/12"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/collectiveinquiry.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=707"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/collectiveinquiry.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/707\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":718,"href":"https:\/\/collectiveinquiry.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/707\/revisions\/718"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/collectiveinquiry.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/715"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/collectiveinquiry.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=707"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/collectiveinquiry.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=707"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/collectiveinquiry.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=707"},{"taxonomy":"author","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/collectiveinquiry.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcoauthors&post=707"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}