Missing someone is a tricky business.<\/p>\n
There is a careful art between knowing how much to hang on and how much to let go. You could hold on, not deal with reality and be miserable to prove to yourself and whoever, that indeed that person meant\/means a lot to you.<\/p>\n
Or, you can move on as if they were never there. But what\u2019s the in-between?<\/p>\n
In dealing with a loss of a loved one, a friend moving or someone simply fading out of your life, there can be a range of complicated emotions. It can be “simple” sadness, the feeling of a thousand needles in your side every time you breathe, or a continual feeling that nothing is real.<\/p>\n
Then the coping mechanisms kick in. It\u2019s going to be hard to live without them, so start preparing now. Distance yourself. List ways they annoy you. Stop calling. Be angry. Tell yourself you don’t need them, or anyone for that matter. That works, right? Not for long.<\/p>\n
What got me thinking about all of this was the sudden realization that eventually, you do move on. As much as I’ve resisted it–I’ve\u00a0done it, because \u00a0I\u2019ve had to. Worse, I\u2019ve done it without meaning to.<\/p>\n
Maybe you\u2019ll be aware of it, or maybe one day you\u2019ll wake up and realize you\u2019ve adjusted to living your life with one less person in it.<\/p>\n
You may think, \u2018well what\u2019s so bad about moving on?\u2019 And sometimes, it can be a good thing. But, it\u2019s that the connection is lost. It\u2019s the thought that people will be able to let go of you too, that relationships are\u00a0transitory. The friends who are supposed to be friends forever, the sister who you said you would always stay in touch with, the classmates who have altered your life in little or big ways.<\/p>\n
Again, what is the in-between?<\/p>\n
If the loss is permanent, missing them can be an everyday thing. It can be more subtle \u2014 just a thought or a memory that pops in your mind, triggered by a certain smell or sound. Then there\u2019s the guilt of living a normal life without them. But it\u2019s what you would want for them. And you do it because you have to. Even if they\u2019re not there with you physically, they\u2019re there emotionally, bound to every part of you. This kind of loss is means that “moving on” also looks different. It’s not as much of moving on as it is integrating it as a new normal, a new self.<\/p>\n
Then there are the others. The ones that are physically present but aren\u2019t there (or emotionally present and physically absent). And I\u2019m thinking that it\u2019s okay to miss someone less. That is, it\u2019s okay to think about them less. It doesn\u2019t take away from the time they were in your life, and it doesn’t mean that they still can’t be a very important person to you.<\/p>\n
The truth is, if you remained friends and maintained constant communication with all of your friends from childhood and on, there wouldn\u2019t be enough room for you to breathe or to get close to them and know them the way a real friend should. They\u2019ll come and go, as you will come and go in other\u2019s lives. It’s a hard realization that there will be times that people will feel closer to you then you do them, but it’s natural and it will happen.<\/p>\n
But,\u00a0\u00a0some of the friendships that don\u2019t last are just as important as the ones that do.<\/p>\n
On the flipside, missing someone lets you carry around a piece of that person. Even if you don\u2019t talk to them or see them often, they influence your thoughts and actions. That nostalgic pang in your stomach and heart is a reminder of what once was and what still can be. That familiarity and closeness cannot easily be replaced and that is a lesson I am learning now that I have moved far from home.<\/p>\n
Because ultimately, we are shaped by our relationships with others; it\u2019s what we know and how we survive.<\/p>\n
Where do you find room for past relationships? Do you feel like it’s possible to\u00a0truly\u00a0move on or “get over” someone?<\/p>\n
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Missing someone is a tricky business. There is a careful art between knowing how much to hang on and how much to let go. You could hold on, not deal with reality and be miserable to prove to yourself and whoever, that indeed that person meant\/means a lot to you. Or, you can move on as if they were never Read more…<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12,"featured_media":1962,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[54,63],"tags":[11,105,28,172,170,171,90],"coauthors":[18],"class_list":["post-1960","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-acceptance-2","category-coping","tag-acceptance","tag-coping-2","tag-emotions","tag-friendships","tag-loss","tag-moving-on","tag-relationships-2"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/collectiveinquiry.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/09\/1285842_8_hands.jpg","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/collectiveinquiry.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1960","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/collectiveinquiry.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/collectiveinquiry.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/collectiveinquiry.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/12"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/collectiveinquiry.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1960"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/collectiveinquiry.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1960\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1964,"href":"https:\/\/collectiveinquiry.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1960\/revisions\/1964"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/collectiveinquiry.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/1962"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/collectiveinquiry.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1960"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/collectiveinquiry.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1960"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/collectiveinquiry.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1960"},{"taxonomy":"author","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/collectiveinquiry.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcoauthors&post=1960"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}